the other day ELLE and i were having one of our random chats. it began with the topic of a young man who had recently emotionally exploded on my blog regarding a past post (it was quite humorous actually). we thought for sure he was a bored female tween (which would have made sense), but when we figured out he was a straight male adult – it blew my mind. i thought, “wow – straight boys do things like that”?! ELLE let me know right away that THIS is the straight man of today, emotional and more feminine than you could imagine.
our discussion carried on into the epidemic plaguing the modern day man.
it’s what i like to refer to as, “THE SISSIFICATION OF MODERN MAN”.
(ELLE calls it the “THE BITCH-ASSNESS OF MODERN MAN”)
it has become so trendy, i’m unsure if its even possible for the majority of people to notice this breed. i’ll try and break him down anyways…
THE SPECIES
1. KNOWS/TALKS MORE ABOUT FASHION THAN ANY FEMALE OR GAY FRIEND YOU KNOW
2. CHECKS BLOGS OBSESSIVELY TO BE “ON TOP OF THE GAME”
3. THINKS ITS OKAY TO USE SOCIAL NETWORKING AND ONLINE SITES TO VENT EMOTIONALLY
*PLEASE NOTE: THE SPECIES IS STRAIGHT, DESPITE INDICATORS THAT TELL YOU OTHERWISE!
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okay, some of these boys have on of those attributes or all. one could be defined as EMOTIONALLY DRAMATIC, the other FASHION OBSESSED, and another can be both – EMOTIONALLY DRAMATIC AND FASHION OBSESSED (the hardest type to deal with).
now, this breed of man wasn’t always this way. 5 years ago, your average straight guy couldn’t identify who PIERRE HARDY was, let alone pronounce BALENCIAGA correctly. i can recall the conversation of fashion being too “GAY” for most of them, now hood boys are running around discussing how ALEXANDER MCQUEEN changed “the game” and why KARL LAGERFELD is an icon.
i call it “SURFACE FASHIONABLE”. a few years ago, even if these boys were “into fashion”, you’d ask them their favorite designer and they’d say “LOUIS VUITTON” – not aware that LOUIS has been dead and gone for a long time and that MARC JACOBS is the current brain behind the brand.
*”DOUG” (RICH SOMMER), ANDY’s super fashion forward but straight friend from “THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA (2006)
++++++++++++++++++++
it seems, the onset of blogs (and the ultimate re-blog of that one blog post) and certain famous men who have suddenly been bit by the high fashion bug who also make it a habit to vent their emotions on every public platform possible are to blame.
as a straight girl who has many gay friends and an older gay brother to boot, if a straight guy approached me and said; “I LOVE YOUR LANVIN CLUTCH”, my natural response would be “THANKS GIRL”. i mean, it’s just too jarring. the only boys who compliment me on my labels are the ones who want to wear my pieces, ie: usually gay boys. i think a compliment to my style or fashion is nice, but a compliment to prove you’re versed in the language of fashion is too obvious.
it’s not to say that a man can’t like or even love fashion, because i know plenty that do and are secure in their manhood – but this breed is different. being dapper has been important for for ages…but these boys who are SUDDENLY so forced about being fashion forward (and i say suddenly because it’s obvious which ones are trying) are a major scratch in a record that makes most girls stop and go “WHAT?”.
don’t get me wrong. i understand those weird, off the beaten path boys – they’re my favorites. i’m a gal that has always had a penchant for artsy boys who like art and design, with a different style of dressing who were in touch with their emotional side. i listen to MORRISSEY and DONNIE HATHAWAY – i love men who aren’t afraid to say how they feel…
then there is ELLE, who is the opposite. she likes big muscular boys who watch sports, know how to be the “classic man” and fix cars or drink beer and don’t talk. our interests are so opposite – YET we still agree that this new style of boy is “not the business”.
that same boy also likes to talk incessantly about how they feel, not in the privacy of their own personal friendships – but rather using social networks. i like a boy who can identify his feelings in person or through art and even through writing (blogs, etc). being emotional is not the issue, it’s the level of exhibitionism which is strange.
by feminine, I DO NOT MEAN GAY. let’s be clear. some of my closest gay male friends are the most MASCULINE and GENTLEMAN-LY men i know; holding doors open for females, assertive with their feelings and not emotional, have an understanding for fashion – but have nothing to prove by fawning over it.
ELLE SAID:
“Straight dudes today know about fashion and pitch fits now.
That is the new straight man. It’s okay these days to type that stuff and not be ‘suspect’.
I can’t with these boys out here knowing more about fashion than me, checking blogs.
If a dude bragged to me “I saw some shoes when I was on a BLOG”
I’d be like “what? Nigga you should be on the BLOCK!
Upon the words “SKINNY JEANS” we are breaking up.
JUST GIVE ME DON DRAPER!”
HYUN (my male friend) SAID:
“A man can like fashion and even love fashion but the ones who say they “live for fashion” have seem to embraced and incorporated the worst
stereotypes of fashion. Everything is amplified…
They go out of their way to show you they know and that they are down so they become charicatures of what they think they should be,
Instead of taking fashion and personalizing it and making it their own, they just become this other thing….all of them…
so there is no real personality…just a shell of a “fashionable” person“
maybe this could just be summed up simply as young people following trends and not being themselves. either way, i like you just the way you are 
++++++++++
what do you guys and girls say?
seriously.
maybe this is a generation gap and me and AUNTY ELLE are dinosaurs who don’t know a thing.
or maybe some of you feel the same way.
let’s discuss!
October 2, 2010
What this really seems to be a discussion of isn’t whether or not men have become less “manly”, but what do we find to be the acceptable ways in which a man can express himself…..for example, I don’t believe that all men are interested in sports for the love of the game….men just like to have stuff to talk about w/ other ppl; sports are means by which ppl, men in particular, bond with each other…and it has come to be an acceptable way to do so….in essence, men watch sports because other men watch sports…..so, a man getting angry and yelling at the TV because some dude missed a free throw, or because he doesn’t agree Kobe deserved that 5th foul call is just as emo as changing ur FB status to reflect ur upsetedness that it rained outside and ur new suede bucks got messed up….knowledge of fashion and knowledge of sports, for the casual male fan, are for the most part both arbitrary sets of information, its just one is more socially acceptable to have than the other….I think we are still dealing w/ many of the same societal issues we have always dealt w/ – insecurity, exclusion, vulnerability, acceptance, attention, love, identity – we just have cyber and digital tools to express them….ppl always want to feel like they belong, they want to feel like they matter, they want ppl to pay attention to them….it was no different in the 80′s….ppl dressed CRAZY in the 80′s….jeans were just as tight, a lot of ppl cared just as much about the labels they wore, whether they could afford them or not, and men were just as sensitive….and they needed an outlet, they just didn’t have twitter or FB or tumblr….so some ppl rapped, some ppl were b-boys…..and some ppl picked up a gun and shot a n!ga in the face….I remember NYC in the late 80′s and early 90′s and it was a much scarier place….but I don’t think any of the dudes that scared me were any more or less manly than the dudes I see today…..because at their core, they were ppl, human beings….insecure, and just wanting to belong just like these dudes that check blogs and spend paychecks on Ralph Lauren driving shoes (is that example high fashion enough?….idk)….spending ur whole mcdonald paycheck on jordans rather than on a marc jacobs bag isn’t a better form of insecurity….its all for the same reason, u just want to fit in by somehow standing out…..I don’t see the boys in LA or Chicago or Baltimore or Philly or Newark and various other places as less emo and more manly because they find an outlet in gangs and violent self expression, as opposed to putting up some kind of rant on a social networking site….How is it more sissified for a skinny jeans wearing fashionisto male to critique fashion than for the Wu Tang Clan to spend 5-10mins of an album doing the same thing in a skit??…..I think one of the growing challenges of finding ones male identity in this ever evolving landscape has been identifying what’s acceptable and what’s not……not only how do I define manhood for myself, but if I can somehow do that, how will that fit into what society’s accepted construct, which changes by the day…..It seems that many of us, men of color (as it doesnt seem this post was directed towards white males) are trapped between two extremes: SUPERTHUG and SISSY……and for a time it was ONLY SUPERTHUG……from lumberjack plaids and timbs to throwback jerseys and du rags, for a long time, it seemed like there was only one way to connect to black manhood, and one way to exude it…….i think we are still in a growing phase where many are figuring out what works for them and what doesnt, and u will certainly have those who take it to extremes…..the same way some dudes will be all thug- all the time, you will have some dudes who are more effeminate than one may be comfortable with….but i do think this discussion starts in a very problematic place…..firstly, it assumes race/ ethnicity……correct me if i’m wrong, but i dont think the standards of masculinity posed reflect society’s expectations of young white males….also the way its posed, it comes from a discussion of two straight females trying to define what it is to be a man…..would we even be able to have this discussion if it were two dudes talking about what happened to all the barefoot and pregnant women?? You and Elle exude in many ways a “tomboy” aesthetic, would someone be justified in making a post that said “the butchification of the modern woman”?? in many ways not only have u problematically defined manhood/ masculinity but uve also done the same for womanhood/ femininity…..is a woman really defined in any way by how much fashion knowledge she has or how emotional she is or isnt on twitter?? It seems like dangerous territory to ascribe this behavior as uniquely or predominantly feminine, or even to say that its ok if ur gay, but its gay if ur not……am i, or any of the other straight males inherently sissies because we participated in this discussion, posting our opinions on an online site?? especially when most of the comments from the guys here have been direct critiques ppl they say spend too much time critiquing??…..but also on the issue of race, how crazy would it be if somebody white started this discussion by saying “damn, im not feeling these new black people, why cant they be like they used to be?”…..so tho i feel u on wanting to gain some clarity, its can become very shaky foundation to build on when someone who is not of the group to start trying to define the group….as a straight black male, how much latitude do i have to start defining Filipino lesbian femininity?
I think the first thing is to identify what the real problem is. From what ive read, it seems the problem is you dont like dealing with fake ppl……so these dudes u identified are no different than a fake girl, or fake thug or a fake donut man…..for many of the things u outline, i see plenty of men who fit into ur construct of “manly” who do all the same things……if 2pac were alive today he would probably rant on twitter….tupac was just as emo as kanye, and wore jeans just as tight – see juice – and no one questioned his masculinity…..fashion is cool for alot of ppl now, everyone has access to the internet and both can be used as a tool for self expression that carry no risk for a trip to the slammer…..it seems Elle’s issue is she likes a certain type of dude, and has a problem with guys who dont fit into what she likes…..its a matter of personal choice……am i correct? idk……but as we all can see, this is a very complex issue and i appreciate the discussion, but i think its important to recognize more than just what seems to be on the surface….thoughts anyone??
October 2, 2010
I think you are the kind of person, who dress like a man, because you think that is cool, and to people think that you don´t give a damn about their opinions.
But when you appear in your photos, you´re always with your chanel bag, you´re always talking about the brands.
Actually, you take pictures, and in the images, it´s always there your bags, to everybody see that you have this & that.
In fact, for me you´re a “pseudo” artist who loves fahion, and follows the trends. You just don´t wear the “must have” of the collections, to show you´re different, that you´re not like the “common people”, but you know what???
You are!
October 3, 2010
Look, I’m a straight male and I don’t give a flying F*ck about Fashion. It’s just brands selling customers dreams. Style on the other hand is who you are it’s authentic and I’m very much into that. Though I may be well versed in whats goin on with fashion and what designers are behind the brands, I don’t talk about it excessively mainly because I have no one to discuss it with being that most of my conversation is more meaningful. It comes up very seldomly. I’d be to ashamed and embarrassed to come off as a superficial poser to compliment a chick on her Lanvin clutch even if I recognized it. I’d probably just assume she was superficial anyway. At the end of the day I don’t see anything wrong with guys who are into highend fashion as long as its authentic appreciation and not just labelwhoring and bandwagon hopping like most people. Oh and Tygas a clown as well, clearly a Poser I don’t know why its hard for people to see straight through these posers on sight. Its easy to see someone attempting to pull off a look as opposed to someone wearing what they appreciate, are proud of, feel comfortable in and enjoy.
October 3, 2010
Yo, I’m mad straight, i just read this shit because you’re mad hot.
October 3, 2010
yo, word!
October 4, 2010
hmmm, personally I agree with most of what you observed in this post, I mean sure its true men have begun expressing themselves much more and have become a bit fashion obsessed but thats not an absolute bad thing. I am glad a man can finally tap into his feelings, women have wanted this for years and now that we’ve finally got it we’re the ones trying to be the hard ones. The gender roles have changed thats the reality.
And its sexy when a man knows how to dress himself, without a girls help… I mean girls have been giving men makeovers for year
there’s just got to be a balance like with everything in life. Being obsessed is not good period!!!!!!!! I blame fashion blogs, although I follow some- so maybe I’m a hypocrite
October 5, 2010
My personal favs:
“Wear skinny jeans and are not skinny and then sag them”
“…what I know is that I’m tired of feeling like I’m trying to navigate a landmine of DL niggaz”
“..this mofo has a turtle neck, “coming to america” jewels and a dead squirrel on his shoulder.”
“it all started when macy’s started making male mannequins with dog paws, rocking capris.”
“My niggas are way too worried about court cases and baby mama drama to check blogs for fashion tips.”
AND THE AWARD GOES TO:
“I blame Kanye”
*flatlined* I just can’t…
October 6, 2010
reading what Hyun said, this picture instantly popped up in my head lol
http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4087/4997265687_ee9fb7f322.jpg
*kanye shrug*
October 7, 2010
Wait…Elle likes guys?
October 8, 2010
This blog post is exactly why some men have such a problem being themselves, when they have to compete with your over masculine stereotypical definition of a man. It’s no wonder why women like you have such a hard time finding men and sticking in a long lasting committed relationship with them. It’s because YOU and many women such as yourself clearly have no idea what a man is.
October 8, 2010
Some of those pics were too funny. In all reality, women dont know the real difference between a straight and gay dude. All the dudes you mentioned gotta be gay just dl. On the same token, Im straight but pour out my thoughts on twitter because my friend circle is inept to complex thought. My fault? Automatically labeled a bitchass male?
Your friend would take don draper. women love self-inflicted pain, why did we ever stray from this knowlege????!!!
October 8, 2010
CEDDY
stay in your lane before i slap you with a man strengthed backhand.
“oh, i like dangerous looking bodega boys” if you werent too gay to operate youd come to the conclusion that those thugs probably laid down their fake chain and timbalands because they couldnt get better jobs and nobody wants to live a life on the block.
The problem is no woman has to live a mans life so stop interpretting us. Male existence has always been defined by competition and violence. Yea the new fashion shit is rediculous but dont act like you deserve a say on what men actually are.
Youre right G
In a more mature sense, they may likely not be able to find a man do to their outward appearance, image obsessed view. Then again who is likely to not make a mistake in that department. Did i just say department? I got shopping fever bitchhesss!!! *snaps & twist*
October 8, 2010
Yawn. Oh crap call the gender police, I knew too much about FASHION! Putting up Don Draper– a character from a show obsessed with vintage fashion– sort of of under cuts the point, huh? As does Hamm in his day to day– you can be a man without having to get caught up in backwards antique notions of masculine & feminine. I think Alexander McQueen is awesome, & I’m an alpha male & I’m not really threatened by people who think the reading blogs makes me…a sissy?
October 10, 2010
On that note, if any epidemic should end, its the one of:
women trying to size guys up on appearance or pit men against eachother.
And again ill say your type seems to know less and less about our world as the days pass. The most unassuming man can be the most tough or gutta of people. This ultra teeny estrogen powered blog tries to accomplish that. Im pretty sure this is not what Katt Williams meant by “bitch niggaz”. Is he lame? That guy gets his hair permed prob daily and wears designer everything if not, its all guaranteed to be tailored.
October 14, 2010
maybe you should just go to prison and get a guy from there. come on, get off this dumb shit. you just described BIG’s “Ready To Die” – he spoke of designer duds, put his inner most demons on songs like “Suicide”, and showed emotion as well. stupid ass rants like this is what boxes black males (as assume you’re referring to) into hyper masculine imagery that trains us to chase pussy and paper. get over yourself and find your own path with being derogatory towards brothers.
October 19, 2010
Honestly. As dope as you are, I feel like with this you fall into the classic girl category of “If it takes attention off of me, it’s wrong” Anybody obsessed with anything needs help, but as a pragmatist, I can’t fault people (guys in this case) with wanting to stay up on trends (most people do). When baggy stuff was in and dudes were following that, no complaints (well…there are always complaints). I feel like girls are worried that their signature traits (shopping, emo breakdowns) are now something that have to be shared. It sounds like you’re getting at the guys that take it to the extreme, and if that’s the case then disregard this post.
October 29, 2010
Oh me, oh my! Please get out of my head Vashtie, ha ha!
My sisters and I have been having this conversation for over a year. The sissification of modern men has reached epic proportions and its not even funny anymore — it’s just plain ole disrespectful.
I literally spit out my water from laughter when I read this line: “If a dude bragged to me ‘I saw some shoes when I was on a BLOG.’ I’d be like what? Nigga you should be on the BLOCK!”
Deceased!!!