Whether you like him or not, the recent Twitter events from one of our most beloved artists has left us all feeling a bit enraged, infuriated, ambivalent, concerned or maybe even apathetic. The biggest take-away I’ve had from it all is that…
1. I don’t know everything.
2.I react far too quickly.
3.I take things personal when I need not to.
While I am saying “I”, because I want to take responsibility for myself – I know this goes for a lot of other people. The reality is that we are all different, but we tend to forget that and expect others to think and speak like us. When they don’t, we feel the need to immediately respond/attack/condemn/ridicule them and usually do so on public platforms.
We really should spend less time judging and getting our feelings hurt and more time listening and processing. Most of our religions are rooted in non-judgment, yet here we are – quick to judge. We often forget that famous people and regular people have lives and issues, usually things we have never faced or will ever have to deal with…and even if we have, we are different and all deal with things differently.
There are a myriad of mental disorders out there, most of which we know nothing about – yet we are quick to dismiss others as “crazy” without being open to learning about their experience *another reason why I no longer use the word crazy.
I say all this because, although I have known a couple people with Bipolar Disorder, I have never really taken the time to learn about their experience…until now. If we are to evolve as a people, I believe the only way we can do so is by communicating, listening, learning and showing more compassion and empathy to others.
If you’re with me on this, here are are:
11 Ways to Support Someone During Mania (via IBPF.Org)
Mania, whether it be a full-blown episode or a shorter period of hypomania, is at the very center of the bipolar disorder diagnosis. Both manic episodes and hypomania are characterized by increased amounts of self-esteem and grandiosity, racing thoughts, irritability, and goal-directed behaviors or activity. Given that mania or hypomania are shared experiences for all those living with bipolar disorder, we reached out to our Facebook audience and asked them for tips on how loved ones, friends, and others can help them during these manic times.
It’s important to remember that the following tips are not comprehensive and are not guaranteed to be what works best for you personally. Communication between friends/loved ones and those with manic symptoms is key. Before instituting some of the tips below (such as calling one’s doctor and taking away their phone and credit cards), make sure you have permission to do such when a manic or hypomanic episode occurs.
1. Avoid Patronizing or Combative Words
“Don’t make presumptions and say off the cuff remarks like, ‘are you drunk!’” – Haze S.
“I mean, there are things to not do like don’t tell me to calm down, don’t tell me to relax.” – Joy P.
“Don’t assume I’m manic just because I’m upbeat or exaggerated, I might just be in a great mood. Don’t tell me to calm down or stop because it’s not something I can physically control.” – Crystal G.
2. Don’t Take Things Personally
“Recognize that my distance has nothing to do with them or my love of them, and everything to do with my relatively short-term inability to empathize and connect.” – Rachel S.
“Give me my space and don’t take anything I do or say personally. I feel awful for being irritable, but can’t help it at the moment.” – Pamela H.
“Just don’t take me seriously. This will help with forgiveness later.” – Emily B.
“Try not to get offended, as I get a wobble gob and have no filter! I often say things I later regret or hurt people’s feelings by telling them the truth.” – Claire T.
“Don’t take my irritability personally, come chill with me in a calm, safe environment.” – Deb E.
3. Give Them Space
“I say things and do things beyond my control. Just stay away.” – Judith A.
“Just allowing me to breathe, finding my calm, and allowing my wibbly wobbly moods to simmer/work its way out means a lot (unless you hear me saying some really scary stuff — if you do, just sit me down or try to distract me.)” – Camille J.
“They can just leave me alone, preferably. Not just with mania but the depressive episodes, too. I’d rather just be left alone.” – Alisha F.
“Leave me well alone. It’s better for everyone, as I can become angry and agitated with every word of kindness given. I know they love me, but it’s not what I want when I have an episode.” – Mandy I.
4. Keep Them Company
“The two times I have been extremely manic, psychosis and all, my husband has been with me and/or my family. I cannot be left alone because I don’t know what I would even do, I am very unpredictable.” – Cynthia B.
“The best advice I can give to anyone who’s loved one is going through mania is to watch their behavior, spend more time with them, try to let them get out all their hyped-up feelings and listen to them, don’t make faces that they’re crazy or anything.” – Karen R.
“Do things with me that are fun, keep me busy, while keeping me safe. Don’t make me feel stupid or embarrassed for rambling on or not making sense.” – Kari R.
5. Protect Them From Harm — Especially Financial Harm
“That the best way to help me is to lovingly express concern over my manic behavior, especially when it is detrimental to my health or lifestyle (like when I want to quit my job and start a new business … Every other day with some new grand idea or invention. Or when I compulsively spend money. Or self-medicate with alcohol or working out.)” – Rachel S.
“The best thing someone can do for me is take my credit cards. Next, I need someone to talk to or I will start to obsess about things like FB.” – Kt J.
“Take away my credit cards and block me from buying ANYTHING on credit.” – Kevin B.
6. Take Away Phones or Passwords (if agreed upon)
“When I was manic, I started giving away cash to strangers and friends so def take my money away from me. Be kind. Kindness helped me. I also posted a lot of random stuff on Facebook and a friend took away my passwords and changed them for me.” – Stephanie K.
“Take my phone away from me. I go in to a shopping frenzy on my phone when I’m manic.” – Fran F.
7. Encourage Their Behaviors (within reason)
“If I am obsessing about something that isn’t particularly harmful, let me work through it and get it out of my system — there may occasionally be benefits of it.” – Camilla B.
“My husband tries very hard to balance letting me see my bright plans through (otherwise, I’d get frustrated because I think they’re amazing, foolproof plans) and trying to talk me out of things that really aren’t amazing, foolproof plans because he knows what I’ll be like when my plans fail. I’m so lucky to have him; he handles me better than I handle me.” – Aimee F.
8. Give Their Doctor or Psychiatrist a Call (if necessary)
“Ring my psychiatrist.” – Xena S.
“Call my psychiatrist; make me an appointment; drive me to the appointment. I shouldn’t drive when I’m that up.” – Becky O.
“Remind them to slow down and maybe call [their] doctor.” – Marc D.
9. Remind Them About Their Medication
“When I am struggling, my friends and family ask if I have eaten and when, they also ask if I have taken my meds and literally bring them to me if I haven’t.” – Stephanie B.
“It’s VERY important for me to take my medication so I can start slowing down. If I wasn’t medicated, I would not be able to survive.” – Cynthia B.
“My wife gives me space, she asks if I’ve taken my meds and doesn’t make me feel guilty for not sleeping next to her because she knows it’s not a choice.” – Candra C.
10. Prepare For a Depressive Episode
“Enjoy the fact that I’m super productive, but be aware that it comes crashing down and prepare to catch me as I fall.” – Crystal G.
“Be patient, prepare for the inevitable crash, help more at home, love me unconditionally …” – Brandi B.
11. Provide Hugs, Love and General Support
“Respect my disease, respect that I’m trying to control myself the best I can, love me for who I am without trying to change things about me that will never change.” – Megan S.
“Be understanding when I talk too fast and say things that sound off the wall. Know that my brain is running so fast I don’t have time to really understand what I am saying.” – Joy P.
“Unconditional love is what you can do to help me the most.” – Rachel S.