5 Toilet Paper Alternatives to Cover Your Butt in a Crisis!

Unless your Jared Leto, everyone in the world is aware of COVID-19 (aka “Coronavirus”). Aside from the natural worries of our health, economy and food supply – we are also now facing real shortages of toilet paper. Whether people stocked up because of self-quarantine or a fear of stores closing or running out during the pandemic – this is our weird reality.

But (pun sort of intended), we always have options! It may not be the comforting option of 2 ply, but there are other resources. It sounds weird, but toilet paper wasn’t invented until 1857. Before then, a lot of cultures had various ways of cleansing…like the Ancient Rome Royals who cleaned their butts with a communal sponge on a stick that was reused!

Not the most appealing option, but we can get through this! Here’s my list of Toilet Paper Alternatives, including 1 option I have started to test out this week!


1. Napkins and Paper Towels: DO NOT FLUSH!

Here, we can adopt what our European friends do naturally…wipe and trash. I’m not sure if it’s because their buildings and pipes are so very old, but they don’t flush their wine of choice. This gives us the choice of using napkins and paper towels to wipe and trash. If you have 2-ply paper towels, I suggest ripping those two sheets apart at the corner with your thumbs and fore-fingers – you will double your quantity!


2. Newspaper: DO NOT FLUSH!

Okay, maybe I should have said this list might not be enticing – but, these are all viable options that are more readily available. Newspaper is a great option because it’s thinner than most paper, which means its pliable and can “get in there”. Also, it can absorb some moisture – and when it comes down there, we all could use that absorbency! I mean, people already say the news is full of sh*t, so…why not?!


3. Bidet

These are those fancy toilets common in France, Europe and Japan where you have a water spout attached to the toilet to “freshen” up your nether regions. I always thought only rich people had them, but there are actually bidet attachments you can get for 100$ or less. They are actually the most hygienic way to clean yourself and it makes sense. If your poop ended up on your arm, you wouldn’t just wipe it off – you’d wash it off! Why do we treat our buttholes any different?!

Bidet is French in origin, but the earliest written reference of one dates back to 1726 in Italy.

*I actually just bought a Tushy and I’m awaiting to test it. Will keep you posted!


4. Wet Wipes or Baby Wipes: DO NOT FLUSH!

Again, another great option that is probably more readily available. They even have the wash effect of a wet solution and wipe to remove.


5. Make Reusable Toilet Paper: DO NOT FLUSH!

*buy reusable Toilet Paper at Etsy.Com

With the current state of the world and our excessive over-consumption – we should really consider an earth-friendly option. You can make them, use them, wash them and reuse them…inexpensive and not too shabby!

Here’s a video of a Mom talking about how they make their own toilet paper, using fabric, and how they wash them.

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